Happy Monday! Do not underestimate the power of vision. It is all about how we see.
How we see becomes how we think. How we think becomes how we speak. How we speak becomes how we act. How we act becomes how we live.
©2010 Wyletter Whaley All Rights Reserved
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A friend and I recently talked about how many of us try to take on more than we should. He shared a story with me about something that I had never heard of before–the Plimsoll Line.
“What is that?” I asked.
He explained that the Plimsoll Line, aka Load Line, is the marking on a ship’s hull that indicates how low or high a ship sits in the water. It is a guide to help prevent overloading, because a ship that is too heavy rides low in the water and is dangerously unstable.
My friend’s story made me think back to some life changing words that a former colleague said to me. “I’m not in a position to.”
I remember those words as if they were just spoken to me. They were not. The former colleague said them a couple of years ago when she declined to take on a matter that was within her area of expertise but not within her scope of responsibility. I marveled at the way that the words rolled off of her tongue. She did not flinch, stumble, or stutter.
I confess. I was a bit irritated. Not just by her refusal to take the matter off of my plate, but also by the fact that I should not have taken the problem on in the first place. The matter was not within my area of expertise or scope of responsibility.
So why was I the one left holding the bag? The short answer is that I didn’t say “no” when I should have. I prided myself on getting things done, even if I should have said “no” or directed the matter to another attorney. I’m not saying that my former colleague was not interested in helping clients or did not take pride in her work. She did. She was a good attorney, but she knew her limit. She knew the maximum load that she could carry, and she was not willing to take on something that was not rightfully hers that would put her Plimsoll Line too low in the water.
Hearing my former colleague’s words made me see that not saying “no” when I should drained me of time and energy that I could direct to things that I enjoy and things that are truly my responsibility. I realized that I had to learn to say “no” when it was appropriate, and I developed the ability to say it with ease.
Thinking back over my moment of revelation made me wonder why so many of us have difficulty saying “no” even when we should. I think that there are several reasons why many of us struggle with that little word.
Kindness: We want to be seen as kind and helpful.
Rudeness: We do not want to be viewed as rude or difficult to work with.
Relationship: We do not want burn bridges.
Conflict: We prefer to avoid conflict.
The reality is that saying “no” does not mean that we’re not kind, or that we are rude. It also does not mean that there will be an all out war or that a relationship will end.
Sometimes it about how the message is delivered. My former colleague never said the word “no”, but her message that she would not accept someone else’s problem was loud and clear. There are ways to convey the “no” message without saying the actual word.
“I’m not in a position to take that on.” It’s better to decline something that you should not take on in the first place rather than to take it and let it sit because you do not have the time or ability to handle it.
“I’m not the right person for this matter.” This is not about trying to shift the burden. Things simply run smoother when we all handle that which is within our scope of responsibility.
“I need to give this some thought before I commit.” This is a particularly good response for those of us who have a tendency to say “yes” before we consider what else we have going on. The reality is that most of us are juggling many balls already, and we need to think about whether we have the ability to add another.
We are not born with a visible Plimsoll Line, but we need to be aware of how heavy our load is. Are there things that you need to say “no” to? Are you allowing things that you should not do to take time and energy away from things that you need or want to do?
Maybe it’s time to draw your Plimsoll Line and identity the cargo that needs to be unloaded. Don’t wait until you capsize and start taking on water to admit that your load is too heavy.
Blessings!
See. Live. Enjoy.
I’m starting this week with something new. I’m adding a recurring post called A Moment On Monday. Mondays are typically hectic, so I will keep these posts very short. I will present a quote, scripture, or other tidbit that we can read in a moment that will help us get the week off to a good start. Here is the first A Moment On Monday.
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.” – William Arthur Ward
Blessings!
I didn’t rush out to see Eat Pray Love this past weekend, but I am reading the book. A few years ago when the book first caught the world’s attention, I was not interested in reading it. I was happy and was not looking to escape from or to any place. I didn’t feel that I would relate to Eat Pray Love then, and frankly other books ranked higher on my for fun reading list. But after seeing the movie trailer and being subjected to some of the recent media blitz, I decided to see what all of the hype was about.
I haven’t finished the book yet, but I can say that I relate to some (not all) of Elizabeth Gilbert’s experiences and feelings. That was especially true last night when I read Tale 42. This is one of the sections in which Elizabeth shares her battle with her mind during meditation. Elizabeth attempts to mediate for an hour, but after minute fourteen her will power, concentration, and nerves break down. She becomes exasperated and quits. I relate to being challenged by meditation.
Last week I decided to resume my meditation practice after more than five years away from it. I can’t give you a good reason for why I stopped meditating. I simply let life get in the way. Running here and there. Adding one more thing to the daily to do list. My life blasted into warp drive and those things that didn’t seem essential fell aside.
Meditation does not magically transform me or my life, but it does help me to be mindful of the present. If you’re like me, you can get so wrapped up in your daily routine that you sail through a day (and life) on autopilot. Meditation reminds me to focus on the moment at hand.
Last Friday afternoon with mindfulness as my goal, I picked up my timer and headed to a comfortable chair. The meditation technique that I learned does not require me to assume the lotus position on the floor as Elizabeth did in Eat Pray Love. Regardless of how and where I positioned my body, I still had the same goal as Elizabeth–to quiet my mind. I set my timer, closed my eyes and started repeating my mantra in my head. Within a minute or two, my to do list saw its opportunity and took center stage. My grocery list raced through my mind, and I remembered that I needed to add milk to the list. Try as I might, I never succeeded at completely quieting my mind that first day. I didn’t make my time goal of twenty minutes either. I wimped out a few minutes sooner than Elizabeth did in the book. She made it to fourteen minutes. I was only able to keep my eyes closed for twelve. But I didn’t despair, and I didn’t give up. I continue to meditate, and it gets better each time that I do. That does not mean that meditating is easy for me at this point, but I am able to quiet my mind for longer periods of time.
So what has this done for my non-meditating hours? I’m getting better at staying in the present moment. My mind does not skip ahead to tomorrow as much as it did. With that said, please know that meditation is not an instant fix. It does not immediately quiet your mind, slow you down, or make you more mindful. It takes commitment and practice to achieve that. But with a little dedication you may discover that you spend more time living in the now and develop a greater appreciation for some of the things that seemed insignificant before.
Is something telling you that you need to slow down? There is value in taking time to smell the roses or watch the sun set. Maybe it’s time to quiet your mind and your life. We live life in moments that only come around once. Lets savor and enjoy these moments.
Blessings and Happy Meditations.
“What should I do?” A relative asked me this question yesterday during a phone call as she tried to figure out what her next step should be. She is at one of those life crossroads that brings significant unwanted change. The timer is ticking down, and she has to quickly sort through several of what she considers to be less than desirable employment choices, including one option that requires relocation. I thought about her question for a moment and then replied with what I normally tell a client when we review a prospective deal or contract. I asked, “What is your goal?” There was no immediate response.
After about ten minutes of dancing around my question, it became clear to me that she knew what she didn’t want to do, but she could not zero in on what she really wanted at that moment or in the future. She did not have a specific short or long term goal in mind. Unfortunately she’s not alone. As a matter of fact, she has quite a bit of company. Many of us are able to tell someone what we don’t want in our lives, but we have difficulty identifying what we do want.
I have been there. I know what it’s like to not have direction, and I can tell you that it’s hard to get to a destination when you don’t know where you want to go. If we don’t know where we’re going, we will not know when we’re off course. This is why businesses have mission statements and short and long term goals.
Several years ago I attended a leadership course for executives. The facilitator of the course challenged us to write a mission statement for our life. I had never heard of the personal mission statement before then, but the concept resonated with me. To give us a jump start, he passed out a large sheet of paper and colored markers, and asked us to draw a shield on the paper with quadrants. Next he asked us to draw a symbol in each of the quadrants that represented the four things that we most valued. I’m sure that I would not have won any awards for my depictions, but I was able to convey what I most valued, my family and friends, writing, travel, and practicing law.
My plan was to take that drawing and to translate it into a written mission statement. But when the course ended and I walked out of the classroom door, so did my good intentions.
Fast forward a few years and the topic of a mission statement revisited me during a ‘catch-up’ conversation with one of my closest friends. While talking about our plans for the coming year, she shared with me how much of an impact that writing a mission statement had made on her life. The lightbulb went on for me. I remembered my drawing. Yes, I still had it. I had tucked it away in one of my old journals. I pulled it out and looked at it. My values were still the same as when I drew it. This time I sat down at my computer and banged out a mission statement for my life. This is what I wrote:
My mission is to help, educate and enliven people by using and sharing my legal and business knowledge and life lessons.
I have tweaked my mission statement a bit since then, but what was important when I first wrote it was that I started to get clear about the direction that I wanted my life to take. In a sense, a mission statement is a written reason for why we exist. It helps us to identify what is important to us and is a guideline that we can use to evaluate choices, make decisions, and chart a course for our life. It helps us answer “What should I do?’ questions.
So what’s your mission statement for your life? If you don’t have one, it’s time that you get one. Life is too precious to wander aimlessly through it.
August is here and many of us are scrambling to try to get in one last trip before the summer ends. We have booked flights, made hotel reservations and located our passport. Now all that is left is to pack and head to the airport. The excitement is building. We can’t wait to get to our destination, but most of us would rather skip the airport piece of the process. The long lines at check-in and the undressing and redressing at security leave a lot to be desired. It’s unfortunate that, “Beam me up Scottie,” is not a transportation option right now.
Most of us who travel on a regular basis know that trips can involve a bit of hassle. Even with the best preparation trips don’t always go as planned. Sometimes our flight is delayed. Other times we make unexpected stops, or have to change our routing. And sometimes we just plain miss our flight. I confess. I have missed a flight or two in my life. And when the unexpected (and usually the unwanted) happened, trying to get where I thought I needed to be when I thought I needed to be there was challenging. But when it was all said and done, the interruption was not the end of the world, even if I didn’t make it to my destination on my original time schedule.
Lets face it. Detours are a part of life. Since we can’t always avoid them, we may as well look for the opportunities in them and enjoy them as much as possible. Sometimes taking a detour or getting lost on the way gets us where we need to be at the right time, or leads us to a better destination than where we originally planned to go to. Sometimes a detour leads us to our dream destination, even if we don’t recognize it at first glance.
So the next time your travel plans (or your life plans) are rearranged by unforeseen and perhaps unwanted circumstances, try to take it in stride and see what opportunity may be present. Finding the positive in unwanted changes sometimes requires more than a quick glance, but digging deep and looking below the surface can often unearth hidden treasure.
