Tag Archives: Change

Living Through Change

A friend and I recently met for dinner and chatted about what was going on in our lives.  The topic that dominated our conversation was how much change we both have experienced during the last few years.  Whether we like it or not, change occurs.  Some change we welcome with open arms.  Other change we avoid at all costs until we realize that we have no choice in the matter.  Regardless of whether we view a change as good or bad, living through it can be stressful.  If we are not careful we can lose our sense of stability and well-being.

I shared in an earlier post that a few changes recently took place in my life.  The changes were good, and I readily embraced them.  But even good change is change, and at times I felt off balance.  How did I survive the changes?  To the extent possible, I continued to do the things that I normally do that keep me calm and grounded.  When I stepped back and looked at my daily routine, I realized that there are seven simple but powerful habits that I do that help to keep my sense of peace and well being intact.

Habit #1  Pray
Each day is a gift, and I start it with a prayer.  I thank God for the day, and I ask Him to direct my steps.

Habit #2  Feed My Body
I figured out early in life that I cannot focus when I am hungry.  I feed my body “good for me” food throughout the day.  For me this usually means three meals and two or three snacks.

Habit #3  Be Quiet And Still 
Constant noise and movement can frazzle the most relaxed person.  I step away from the noise of the day and take a deep breath.  Even five minutes away from all of the buzz can stop or slow down the frenzy that we often find ourselves in.

Habit #4  Feed My Spirit And Mind
It is not just our bodies that need to be fed.  I want to maintain a positive attitude and state of mind, so I need to take in nourishment for my spirit and mind.  One of the ways that I do this is by reading something uplifting and inspiring everyday.

Habit #5  Tap Into The Power of Love
There is no greater power or support than love.  It is important to give and receive love.  Whether in-person or by phone or internet, I communicate with loved ones everyday.

Habit #6  Laugh
Laughing is good for the body, spirit and mind.  It decreases stress, and that helps to strengthen the body’s immune system.  I find a reason to laugh everyday whether it is by reading a funny story, watching a sitcom, or hanging out with people who love to have fun.

Habit #7  Pray Again
I end the day the way that I start it.  I pray.  I thank God for carrying me through the day, and I talk to Him about the events of the day.  Ending my day with prayer helps me to release my concerns and prepares me for a good night’s sleep.

This is what I do to help me stay calm.  What are the things that you do on a regular basis to keep your balance?  These are the things that can help you maintain a sense of peace and security during the uncertainty that sometimes accompanies change.

“Change brings opportunity.” – Nido Qubein

Blessings!

See.  Live.  Enjoy.

Try Something New (A Moment On Monday – 1/24/2011)

Happy Monday!

Do you remember the joy and excitement that you felt as a child when you tried something new and accomplished it?  Whether it was learning to walk or to ride a bike, the satisfaction of a first time success exhilarated us.

As children our lives were filled with many firsts.  Those victories built our confidence and inspired us to venture out and try other things.  We wanted to know more about our world, and we explored it with little to no concern about making mistakes.  But as many of us grew into adults, we settled into routines that became our lives.  We became comfortable with what we knew how to do and we stopped trying new things.  There is nothing inherently wrong with living a life filled with the routine, but when we only encounter the familiar we stop growing.  Trying something new can help us discover more about ourselves.

When was the last time that you tried something new?  If you have to think about it for too long,  it’s probably time to add a little spice to your life.  Even something as simple as taking a class on something that you’ve always wanted to learn such as sewing or salsa dancing can help re-energize you.  What are you going to do to step out of your box and try something new?  I wish you wonderful new experiences.

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” – Vincent van Gogh

Blessings!

See.  Live.  Enjoy.

A Time Of Discovery

We said adios to 2010 a few days ago.  We’re now well into the first week of 2011. Looking at my calendar today made me stop and think about how I spent 2010.  Spent is the word that I choose to describe the use of time, because time like money has value.  In my opinion time is more valuable than money.  We can always make more money, but we can’t make more time.

Back to the subject of how I spent 2010.  Most of it was focused on getting back into the flow of life here in the U.S.  If I had to characterize the year I would have to say that 2010 was a year of discovery for me–self discovery to be more precise.  The theme of self-discovery flowed throughout the year for me regardless of what I did or where I was located.

One thing that I discovered about myself is how important it is for me to have a creative outlet.  I started working on an interesting but time intensive legal project during autumn 2010.  I initially thought that I would be able to continue my normal blogging schedule, but about a week into the project reality set in.  There simply were not enough hours in the day to do everything that I wanted to do, so I took a hiatus from THE Blog. What I didn’t realize at the time was that when I suspended my writing, I stopped feeding my creative side.  I enjoy being a lawyer, but that only nourishes my analytical side.  I need that, but I also need to nurture the creative part of me in order to be balanced.  A couple of weeks ago I ended my break and starting writing and blogging again.  I felt more at peace as soon as I hit the publish button for my return post.  I now know that I need to write and create regardless of what else is going on in my life.  I may not post as often, or my posts maybe be shorter than in the past, but I will write.

I discovered my need to create.  What did you learn about yourself in 2010 that you didn’t know or acknowledge before? How can you use this information to live a more joyful and balanced life?

Blessings!

See.  Live.  Enjoy.

A Matter Of Perspective

About a month ago I started a collection of writings that are no more than a sentence or two long.  I call these writings ‘mini musings’.  Several days ago I shared one of my mini musings with my Facebook and Twitter families.  For some reason that particular mini musing stuck in my head.

I tweeted and posted, “Sometimes all it takes to solve a problem is to change the perspective from which you are looking at it.  A new perspective can work wonders.”  That made me think back to the makeover on four rooms of my house that I undertook several years ago.  The twist on this makeover was that my house was in Texas, but I was in Europe.

I knew what I wanted for each room.  I selected paint and flooring and said a prayer that the den, master bedroom, master bathroom, and exercise room would be transformed into the spaces that I envisioned by the time that I returned from my five day business trip.

Amazingly I did not worry while I was away.  I had confidence that the contractors could and would make everything work.  That feeling changed when my return flight landed at the airport.  My confidence dwindled and I bounced between excitement and fear as I wondered what would greet me at my house.  The nervousness overtook me as I drove into my garage.  I fumbled with my keys and struggled to get the entrance door open.

I tipped inside and surveyed my surroundings.  The first renovation that I encountered was the den.  It was spectacular.  The new hardwood floors added warmth to the room and made it more inviting.

I moved onto the next piece of the project, the exercise room.  The ugly animal print border left by the previous owner was gone and the walls sported a radiant soft gold.

The next stop was the master bedroom.  The sea foam green of the walls and the beauty of the hardwood floors washed away the last bit of anxiety and induced a sense of peace in me.  Only one room was left.  I could not wait to see it.

I crossed the threshold into the master bathroom.  Words escaped me.  I could not believe that this was my bathroom.  The green on the walls jumped out at me, but not in the way that I expected or wanted.  There would be no long bubble baths in this bathroom.  The color was beyond unattractive.

I asked myself if I could live with the color.  I’m a glass half full type of person, but I was challenged to see any possibilities.  I took a step back and examined the room again.  There was no change.  Maybe I was influenced by jet lag.  A 15 hour trip can make a woman more sensitive to things than she normally would be.  It was late, so I decided to go to bed and wait to see how the color struck me the next day.

Eight house of sleep and fresh eyes did not help the situation.  Not only did I not see any improvement, the color seemed more extreme than the day before.  The light green that I hoped would be tranquil had mutated to granny smith apple green.  I told myself that there was still hope.  I had not placed the wall hangings and rugs back in the space.  I was certain that the room would look better with everything back in place.  After all, one of the reasons that I picked that particular color was because it looked like it would work with my existing wall hangings and rugs.

I put the four rugs and three wall hangings that were part of the old decor back in place.  They did not perform the magic that I hoped for.  The accessories clashed with the wall color and ramped the ugliness of the room up a notch.  “Don’t panic.”  That was all that I could say to myself as I tried to hold back the tears.

As I cleared the room of the obsolete items, a lotion bottle on the vanity caught my eye.  I noticed that the ocean blue bottle cap worked well with the green walls.  From that I concluded that adding touches of ocean blue into the room would tone down the wall color.  Off I went with the cap in hand to search for rugs and other decorations in that shade of blue.

I guess I should have paid more attention to the interior design magazines.  Blues were out that year.  Muted purples were in.  I didn’t find anything remotely close to what I was looking for.  I returned home deflated.  It was clear that I would have to work with what I had until I could paint the walls.

My pragmatic side surfaced, and I decided that the only accessory that I needed was a rug to step on when I got out of the shower.  Any rug would do until I was able to redo the walls, so I put my favorite of the old rugs back down.

Then I noticed something that I missed earlier.  By some twist of fate the green on the walls matched the green that swirled through the floral pattern of the rug.   A light went on in my mind.  I needed to approach the situation from a different perspective.  I decided to use the other colors of the rug to try to create a more soothing atmosphere.  I zeroed in on the ruby red and golden taupe that worked well with the green.

A few trips to my favorite home decor store and I found the accessories that I needed to complete my master bathroom.  It turned out that I had the bathroom that I wanted from the beginning.  I simply had to look at it from a different perspective to realize it.  I had to stop trying to make the new wall color work with the old decorations.  When I did that I opened myself up to new possibilities, and the option that I needed presented itself.

Life can be like that.  Sometimes we encounter a situation that at first glance appears unappealing, but when we stop judging it by our old way of thinking and seeing we open ourselves up to wonderful new prospects.

Is there something in your life that you could change from a challenge into a blessing by shifting your perspective?  What do you need to look at differently?  Perspective is powerful.  Let it work for you, not against you.

Blessings!

See.  Live.  Enjoy.

Lighten Up: Learn The Power Of “No”

Flensburger Schiffbau Gesellschaft

Image via Wikipedia

A friend and I recently talked about how many of us try to take on more than we should.  He shared a story with me about something that I had never heard of before–the Plimsoll Line.

“What is that?”  I asked.

He explained that the Plimsoll Line, aka Load Line, is the marking on a ship’s hull that indicates how low or high a ship sits in the water.  It is a guide to help prevent overloading, because a ship that is too heavy rides low in the water and is dangerously unstable.

My friend’s story made me think back to some life changing words that a former colleague said to me.  “I’m not in a position to.”

I remember those words as if they were just spoken to me.  They were not.  The former colleague said them a couple of years ago when she declined to take on a matter that was within her area of expertise but not within her scope of responsibility.  I marveled at the way that the words rolled off of her tongue.  She did not flinch, stumble, or stutter.

I confess.  I was a bit irritated.  Not just by her refusal to take the matter off of my plate, but also by the fact that I should not have taken the problem on in the first place.  The matter was not within my area of expertise or scope of responsibility.

So why was I the one left holding the bag?  The short answer is that I didn’t say “no” when I should have.  I prided myself on getting things done, even if I should have said “no” or directed the matter to another attorney.  I’m not saying that my former colleague was not interested in helping clients or did not take pride in her work.  She did.  She was a good attorney, but she knew her limit.  She knew the maximum load that she could carry, and she was not willing to take on something that was not rightfully hers that would put her Plimsoll Line too low in the water.

Hearing my former colleague’s words made me see that not saying “no” when I should drained me of time and energy that I could direct to things that I enjoy and things that are truly my responsibility.  I realized that I had to learn to say “no” when it was appropriate, and I developed the ability to say it with ease.

Thinking back over my moment of revelation made me wonder why so many of us have difficulty saying “no” even when we should.  I think that there are several reasons why many of us struggle with that little word.

Kindness:  We want to be seen as kind and helpful.

Rudeness:  We do not want to be viewed as rude or difficult to work with.

Relationship:  We do not want burn bridges.

Conflict:  We prefer to avoid conflict.

The reality is that saying “no” does not mean that we’re not kind, or that we are rude.  It also does not mean that there will be an all out war or that a relationship will end.

Sometimes it about how the message is delivered.   My former colleague never said the word “no”, but her message that she would not accept someone else’s problem was loud and clear.  There are ways to convey the “no” message without saying the actual word.

I’m not in a position to take that on.”  It’s better to decline something that you should not take on in the first place rather than to take it and let it sit because you do not have the time or ability to handle it.

I’m not the right person for this matter.”  This is not about trying to shift the burden.  Things simply run smoother when we all handle that which is within our scope of responsibility.

I need to give this some thought before I commit.”  This is a particularly good response for those of us who have a tendency to say “yes” before we consider what else we have going on.  The reality is that most of us are juggling many balls already, and we need to think about whether we have the ability to add another.

We are not born with a visible Plimsoll Line, but we need to be aware of how heavy our load is.  Are there things that you need to say “no” to?  Are you allowing things that you should not do to take time and energy away from things that you need or want to do?

Maybe it’s time to draw your Plimsoll Line and identity the cargo that needs to be unloaded.  Don’t wait until you capsize and start taking on water to admit that your load is too heavy.

Blessings!

See.  Live.  Enjoy.

My Eat Pray Love Moment

I didn’t rush out to see Eat Pray Love this past weekend, but I am reading the book.  A few years ago when the book first caught the world’s attention, I was not interested in reading it.  I was happy and was not looking to escape from or to any place.  I didn’t feel that I would relate to Eat Pray Love then, and frankly other books ranked higher on my for fun reading list.  But after seeing the movie trailer and being subjected to some of the recent media blitz, I decided to see what all of the hype was about.

I haven’t finished the book yet, but I can say that I relate to some (not all) of Elizabeth Gilbert’s experiences and feelings.  That was especially true last night when I read Tale 42.  This is one of the sections in which Elizabeth shares her battle with her mind during meditation.  Elizabeth attempts to mediate for an hour, but after minute fourteen her will power, concentration, and nerves break down.  She becomes exasperated and quits.  I relate to being challenged by meditation.

Last week I decided to resume my meditation practice after more than five years away from it.  I can’t give you a good reason for why I stopped meditating.  I simply let life get in the way.  Running here and there.  Adding one more thing to the daily to do list.  My life blasted into warp drive and those things that didn’t seem essential fell aside.

Meditation does not magically transform me or my life, but it does help me to be mindful of the present.  If you’re like me, you can get so wrapped up in your daily routine that you sail through a day (and life) on autopilot.  Meditation reminds me to focus on the moment at hand.

Last Friday afternoon with mindfulness as my goal, I picked up my timer and headed to a comfortable chair.  The meditation technique that I learned does not require me to assume the lotus position on the floor as Elizabeth did in Eat Pray Love.  Regardless of how and where I positioned my body, I still had the same goal as Elizabeth–to quiet my mind.  I set my timer, closed my eyes and started repeating my mantra in my head.  Within a minute or two, my to do list saw its opportunity and took center stage.  My grocery list raced through my mind, and I remembered that I needed to add milk to the list.  Try as I might, I never succeeded at completely quieting my mind that first day.  I didn’t make my time goal of twenty minutes either.  I wimped out a few minutes sooner than Elizabeth did in the book.  She made it to fourteen minutes.  I was only able to keep my eyes closed for twelve.  But I didn’t despair, and I didn’t give up.  I continue to meditate, and it gets better each time that I do.  That does not mean that meditating is easy for me at this point, but I am able to quiet my mind for longer periods of time.

So what has this done for my non-meditating hours?  I’m getting better at staying in the present moment.  My mind does not skip ahead to tomorrow as much as it did.  With that said, please know that meditation is not an instant fix.  It does not immediately quiet your mind, slow you down, or make you more mindful.  It takes commitment and practice to achieve that.  But with a little dedication you may discover that you spend more time living in the now and develop a greater appreciation for some of the things that seemed insignificant before.

Is something telling you that you need to slow down?  There is value in taking time to smell the roses or watch the sun set.  Maybe it’s time to quiet your mind and your life.  We live life in moments that only come around once.  Lets savor and enjoy these moments.

Blessings and Happy Meditations.

Which Way?

“What should I do?”  A relative asked me this question yesterday during a phone call as she tried to figure out what her next step should be.  She is at one of those life crossroads that brings significant unwanted change.  The timer is ticking down, and she has to quickly sort through several of what she considers to be less than desirable employment choices, including one option that requires relocation.  I thought about her question for a moment and then replied with what I normally tell a client when we review a prospective deal or contract.  I asked, “What is your goal?”  There was no immediate response.

After about ten minutes of dancing around my question, it became clear to me that she knew what she didn’t want to do, but she could not zero in on what she really wanted at that moment or in the future.  She did not have a specific short or long term goal in mind.  Unfortunately she’s not alone.  As a matter of fact, she has quite a bit of company.  Many of us are able to tell someone what we don’t want in our lives, but we have difficulty identifying what we do want.

I have been there.  I know what it’s like to not have direction, and I can tell you that it’s hard to get to a destination when you don’t know where you want to go.  If we don’t know where we’re going, we will not know when we’re off course.  This is why businesses have mission statements and short and long term goals.

Several years ago I attended a leadership course for executives.  The facilitator of the course challenged us to write a mission statement for our life.  I had never heard of the personal mission statement before then, but the concept resonated with me.  To give us a jump start, he passed out a large sheet of paper and colored markers, and asked us to draw a shield on the paper with quadrants.  Next he asked us to draw a symbol in each of the quadrants that represented the four things that we most valued.  I’m sure that I would not have won any awards for my depictions, but I was able to convey what I most valued, my family and friends, writing, travel, and practicing law.

My plan was to take that drawing and to translate it into a written mission statement.  But when the course ended and I walked out of the classroom door, so did my good intentions.

Fast forward a few years and the topic of a mission statement revisited me during a ‘catch-up’ conversation with one of my closest friends.  While talking about our plans for the coming year, she shared with me how much of an impact that writing a mission statement had made on her life.  The lightbulb went on for me.  I remembered my drawing.  Yes, I still had it.  I had tucked it away in one of my old journals.  I pulled it out and looked at it.  My values were still the same as when I drew it.  This time I sat down at my computer and banged out a mission statement for my life.  This is what I wrote:

My mission is to help, educate and enliven people by using and sharing my legal and business knowledge and life lessons.

I have tweaked my mission statement a bit since then, but what was important when I first wrote it was that I started to get clear about the direction that I wanted my life to take.  In a sense, a mission statement is a written reason for why we exist.  It helps us to identify what is important to us and is a guideline that we can use to evaluate choices, make decisions, and chart a course for our life.  It helps us answer “What should I do?’ questions.

So what’s your mission statement for your life?  If you don’t have one, it’s time that you get one.  Life is too precious to wander aimlessly through it.

Estimated Time Of Arrival

August is here and many of us are scrambling to try to get in one last trip before the summer ends.  We have booked flights, made hotel reservations and located our passport. Now all that is left is to pack and head to the airport.  The excitement is building.  We can’t wait to get to our destination, but most of us would rather skip the airport piece of the process.  The long lines at check-in and the undressing and redressing at security leave a lot to be desired.  It’s unfortunate that, “Beam me up Scottie,” is not a transportation option right now.

Most of us who travel on a regular basis know that trips can involve a bit of hassle. Even with the best preparation trips don’t always go as planned.  Sometimes our flight is delayed.  Other times we make unexpected stops, or have to change our routing.  And sometimes we just plain miss our flight.  I confess.  I have missed a flight or two in my life.  And when the unexpected (and usually the unwanted) happened, trying to get where I thought I needed to be when I thought I needed to be there was challenging.  But when it was all said and done, the interruption was not the end of the world, even if I didn’t make it to my destination on my original time schedule.

Lets face it.  Detours are a part of life.  Since we can’t always avoid them, we may as well look for the opportunities in them and enjoy them as much as possible.  Sometimes taking a detour or getting lost on the way gets us where we need to be at the right time, or leads us to a better destination than where we originally planned to go to.  Sometimes a detour leads us to our dream destination, even if we don’t recognize it at first glance.

So the next time your travel plans (or your life plans) are rearranged by unforeseen and perhaps unwanted circumstances, try to take it in stride and see what opportunity may be present.  Finding the positive in unwanted changes sometimes requires more than a quick glance, but digging deep and looking below the surface can often unearth hidden treasure.

When The Living Is Easy

I’m in my Nike workout clothes, but I’m not in the “Just Do It” state of mind.  I’m dreading today’s workout.  I think it’s going to be a bit challenging.  You see it’s time for me to increase the incline and resistance on my elliptical walker.  After weeks of doing the same routine and working out at the same intensity level, I hit a plateau in my fitness quest.

I work out three to four days a week, and I put in at least 30 minutes on my elliptical walker each workout.  The time, energy and effort paid off.  I’m much more toned and physically fit.  When I started my workout program three and a half months ago I was twelve pounds heavier and could only do 15 minutes on my elliptical walker at the lowest settings.  I’m pleased with my progress, but I still have a few more pounds and inches to lose.

Sometimes in life as in a workout routine we hit a place where everything seems to flow without much effort or energy on our part.  The living is easy and we get comfortable.  If we are not careful we get too comfortable and it becomes difficult to move beyond where we are even when we know that our current routine will not get us where we want to be.  Unfortunately for me, I don’t enjoy working out, so I would be content to stay in my present workout comfort zone.  But the reality is that I to have move beyond what has become somewhat of a leisurely stroll on my elliptical walker if I want to reach my fitness goals.  I may not enjoy the additional challenge of kicking up my workout, but I know that I will be pleased with the results that show on my body and in my health.

What comfort zone are you in?  Are you delaying a goal or saying no to a new opportunity just to stay with what you know?  Whether it’s a career change, a new relationship, or a different workout routine, many of us opt to continue with the status quo because it’s easy even if what we’re doing will not get us to where we want to be.  We can come up with plenty of reasons for staying where we are.  “Now is not the right time.  I don’t have enough money, education, experience…” The list of why we cannot or should not do something is endless.

But rather than focusing on the ‘why nots’ lets look at the ‘what ifs’.  What if we step out and do something new?  We may find that the living is easier in our new place and that staying in our comfort zone may be doing us more harm than good.  Not all change is easy or right for us, but sometimes change is necessary if we want to do something that we’ve never done before.  Life is about growth and growth brings change.  So lets venture outside of our comfort zone and change it up!

“Insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

A Language Lesson

I’m one of those people who loves language.  I dream of speaking an endless array of languages with ease and precision.  However, my current reality is that I’m fluent in English and proficient in Spanish.  Several months ago I decided to revive my language acquisition project.  Next I had to determine whether I would focus on increasing my Spanish proficiency to fluency, or start learning a new language.  After some deliberation I concluded that I was comfortable enough with my command of Spanish to continue to study it while starting another language.  I decided to add French to the mix.

I devised a plan and started my quest to learn French.  I signed up for eight weeks of a beginner’s French class at the local branch of Alliance Francaise.  The class met once a week for three hours.  I planned to supplement what I learned in class by doing additional reading and listening to tapes.  I showed up for class.  What I did not do was to put in the time outside of the classroom.  I’m not new to learning a foreign language, so I know that a few hours in a classroom once a week is not sufficient for most of us to acquire even a basic command of a language.    Needless to say I did not achieve the mastery of French that I wanted.  I left the last class of the term disappointed with my results.  I could say “oui” and “s’il vous plait” by the end of the eight weeks, but I could do that before I started the classes.  All I could do was to chalk the experience up as an experiment that I did not need to repeat.

The morning after my last class I pondered if I would continue to pursue French or focus solely on Spanish.  I wondered if I was willing to put in the time, energy and effort required to learn a new language.  I was not impressed with my command of French at that moment.  Then it hit me.  I realized that during the last class I understood most of what the instructor said even though it was all in French.  I even spoke basic phrases in French as part of the class conversation.  I learned more than I thought I did.  My brain re-wired itself to accommodate my language learning efforts without me noticing.

Sometimes change comes that way, without us noticing it in the beginning.  We do small things that don’t seem to make a difference.  Then one day we look up and we have moved closer to where we want to be without realizing it.  Change does not only come in leaps and bounds or huge strides.  Small steps are often easier for us to take and sometimes more likely to get us to our goal.

By the way, I’m sticking with French.  Despite my lack of discipline during the beginner’s class I made progress toward something that I have wanted to do for a long time.  With a bit of focus and effort I will speak French.

Au revoir